Living the single life? Being single can be challenging but we can embrace being single and thrive!
Let’s face – no, let’s embrace – the facts, ladies. The 2017 US Census showed that there are more single people in America than ever before: 45.2% of the American population as “single” to be exact. That’s over 110 million people!
And guess what? Studies show that they’re healthier too.
Many single people reported that they exercise more regularly, have less credit card debt, more sleep, and even a better sex life.
So, if you’re one of the many wonderful, single people wondering if you’re worse off – you couldn’t be further from the truth.
Read on to learn the art of being single!
The Problem With Dating and Modern Society
Let’s start with a few main issues in modern society that mess with our expectations of what it means to be single vs. dating vs. in a relationship.
The Happily Ever After Syndrome Hinders Our Ability to Embrace Being Single
Most of us in our 30’s have been subject to what I call the “happily ever after syndrome.” The seemingly impossible yet endless pursuit of a white picket fence and perfect partner to match.
The truth is, this world changed without our consent.
But it’s no fault of ours. We’ve been taught from a young age through Disney stories and Barbie’s eternally shrinking waistline that the only way we’ll amount to something in this life is through finding the perfect partner (and a bangin’ body too.)
The truth is, this world changed without our consent. Culture quickly morphed when the superpowers of social media emerged, and now, many of us beautiful, single women are left scratching our heads, wondering how we fit in.
If you have a regular job, a natural body, and haven’t mastered how to pose, hitting all the right angles – don’t fret. YOU are the only one who can define your happily ever after.
Cinderella may have met her prince, but who’s to say that you can’t have fun at the ball all by your damn self? Or better yet, with a group of your favorite gal friends. This, my friends, is the art of being single!
“All the Single Ladies” (Sung in Beyoncé Voice for Full Effect)
Instead of beating ourselves up, feeling like we’ve lost out, or grieving the gift of children we may never get – we have to learn to make friends with this season of our lives.
And even if we feel like we’ll never make it out of winter, we must forge ahead to the spring that awaits us when we become okay with being single.
Even if we feel like we’ll never make it out of winter, we must forge ahead to the spring that awaits us when we become okay with being single.
Or better yet, we must become okay with being great just the way we are, without a partner to complete us. We must embrace being single, and this statement stems far beyond simply being ok with the single life.
Instead, what I really mean is that we need to believe that our greatness doesn’t stem from our fertility level, our fitness regimen, our job description, or whether we’ve found our ideal guy or gal yet.
Love Yourself, But Don’t Focus Solely on Yourself . . .
Greatness comes from the pursuit of loving ourselves so that we can feel more complete in our single life.
The danger, I believe, is when we ONLY focus on ourselves. When we become only concerned about loving ourselves, it may actually magnify the feeling of solitude and loneliness.
In our singleness, it’s important to heal and nurture the sensitive parts of our soul – but there’s also something delightfully fulfilling when we shift our focus from the “I” and “me” to the “you” and “we.”
Let’s embody the art of being single by inviting people into our singleness to help us live a more fulfilling life.
Call a friend on the phone, host a dinner party with people you love, or invite friends over for art night – whatever will fuel your connection to others, creativity and growth.
Follow These 3 Steps to Embrace – And ENJOY – the Single Life
Read on for the steps I used as a single woman who has learned to not just survive, but thrive living the single life.
Step 1: Realize That Being Single Does NOT Mean Being Alone
Social interaction is essential to our overall mental, emotional and physical health, and is an important part of our adult life.
Check your calendar and start making plans with friends and loved ones who give you energy and lift up your spirits. Surround yourself with people who add to your life.
There’s an energy exchange and often a feeling of being filled up after spending time with people who give us life. The more we focus on what we do have, and nurture those relationships, the more we will forget about what we don’t have.
Step 2: Embrace Singleness Not Selfishness
It’s wonderful to take “me time” but it’s been proven that offering acts of kindness for others not only boosts their mood and happiness, but yours as well. This is a key ingredient to the art of being single.
What are some ways you can do this?
1. Search in your local area for non profit organizations with a mission to make a difference in the community.
2. Babysit your friend’s kiddo so she can go out for a much-needed date night. If you don’t have kids yet, what better way to practice than spending time with the little ones you love?
3. Write out a letter to a family member or friend and explain at least 5 reasons why you love them. Go into detail. Send it the old fashioned way through snail mail, and see what happens.
4. Take time to meditate and think positive thoughts about your loved ones. Wish them wellness, light and love.
5. Go on a hike or organize an event with some of your close friends to connect, share stories, and laugh together.
6. Buy a stranger something to eat or drink. Whether you’re in line at your local coffee shop, or see someone less fortunate on your route to work – it’s a practical yet wonderful act of kindness.
7. Have any other ideas? Write them in our comments below!
Step 3: Know That Singleness Does Not Have to Mean Dating
One misconception of singleness is that you should be actively dating. But spending time swiping or searching for the next eligible bachelor can actually be a hindrance and a distraction in our singleness.
Consider deleting your dating apps and take space to recover from previous relationships and heal any wounds that may have surfaced by giving yourself the gift of time.
You could even treat yourself to a cute little ring or bracelet as a tangible reminder to stay committed to the process of growth and cultivating space in this season. Every time you look at your ring, give yourself words of affirmation like: It’s worth it to take space right now. You deserve it.”
The Takeaway on Single Life: It Is What You Make It
No matter where you’re at in your journey through the single life, don’t forget to be kind to yourself.
And remember – you are not alone. So whether you spend your time travelling as a digital nomad, trying new vegan recipes, or spending more time with those you love – we hope you have fun sashaying your way through singleness as you pave the way into these new social norms.
You may feel like you’re on the road alone, but you’re clearing the way for so many others who are just like you, right beside you. Embracing being single has never felt so good.