10 Lessons on Love, Dating, and Conscious Relating
To be conscious is to be fully present, aware, and authentic. It’s a state of dropping outdated beliefs and preconceived notions about ourselves and others.
In the dating world, this can be challenging at times due to unrealistic expectations, facades, past experiences . . . the list goes on. To date consciously is to relate consciously with each other.
However, this conscious relating cannot take place with anyone else until it is taking place within ourselves . . .
The next step, which is where we often stumble, is being able to share ourselves with another – especially the pieces we may find vulnerable or undesirable.
Conscious relating cannot take place with anyone else until it is taking place within ourselves.
So what’s the difference between dating and conscious dating? It’s acting from a place of awareness, compassion, and intention. It’s finding deeper methods of relating to your partner.
Read on for lessons on how to practice this in your own romantic relationship.
10 Lessons On Love, Dating, and Conscious Relating
Here I’d like to share with you my top 10 list of lessons learned (some harder than others) from years of searching, finding, trying, failing, and succeeding.
1. Self-Discovery is Step One
Your relationship with yourself is the foundation upon which all other relationships are built. A healthy, loving relationship requires a lot of self: self-awareness, self-value, and self-love.
So – how well do you know, love, and accept yourself? This, above all else, is the solid foundation for everything.
2. Show Yourself – All of Yourself
If you’re only showing your partner sides of yourself that you think they’ll “like” or “approve of,” then you’re not practicing conscious relating.
Most of us prefer honesty over “perfection” and you owe it to yourself and to your partner to be your most authentic self in every moment.
3. Balance and Boundaries
The formula for happiness is in finding the right blend of structure and flow, work and play, giving and receiving. A lack of clearly defined boundaries invites imbalance, dissatisfaction, unmet needs, and communication breakdown.
Know yourself, show yourself, and build together. Boundaries and balance are key for a healthy, thriving relationship.
4. Be Loving During Challenges
Challenging times in life teach us more than the easier ones. True love not only blossoms in trials; it sees its fullest potential. Persisting through these times side-by-side with my partner has shown me the unimaginable depths of love I have within. Be loving and compassionate when challenges arise.
I take these lessons with me everywhere and am better because of them.
5. Listen With Attention
Don’t have half-hearted conversations with your partner. Always give your full attention. Put your phone down. Make eye contact. Ask for clarification if you’re unsure about something.
Ask follow-up questions. Show that you’re engaged and care about the conversation. In short, be still, centered, grounded, and present.
6. No Judgement
Projecting our own feelings, such as fear, guilt, or insecurity can negatively color our perception and actions. We can end up hearing what we expect to hear more often than we hear what the other person is actually saying.
Release your judgement, do your best to remain objective, and practice understanding over jumping to conclusions.
7. Proactive Communication
As humans, we’re never lacking in thoughts, ideas, opinions, beliefs, questions, dreams, desires, wants, and needs. Share them! If you think your partner doesn’t care, then you’re either wrong or you’re in the wrong relationship! Conscious communication is the breath that gives fire to passionate and conscious relationships.
8. Stay Curious
You know the foremost thing that young couples are doing that old couples aren’t? They’re learning about each other. I try to learn something new about my partner every single day. If you love someone, why wouldn’t you want to do this?!
9. Be Un-Casual
My partner and I work from home and it can be tempting to fall into a pattern of wearing yoga pants more often than I’d like to admit. When I take a few extra moments in the morning to adorn myself in ways that make me feel best, my energy shifts, I’m more productive with work, and we’re way more in sync, too.
This applies to all aspects of your relationship. Schedule a date night, have candlelight dinners at home – do things that keep your relationship feeling fresh, fun and romantic.
My partner and I tease and joke and play every single day. Our bond is strengthened through nurturing the childlike spirit within. We can all benefit from this!
The Takeaway on Conscious Relating, Dating, and Love
All relationships are priceless mirrors and serve as vehicles for our own becoming, awakening, and healing. Remember that “relationship” doesn’t just mean how you relate to other people – it’s also about how you relate to yourself and the world around you.
Conscious communication is the breath that gives fire to passionate and conscious relationships.
Get to know yourself. Show yourself to the world. Be clear in your needs and honor them. Give your full attention to whatever it is that you’re doing and accept each moment for what it is without prejudice. Be proactive. Stay curious. Take care of yourself and have fun.
Join me in these practices and watch as that translates to deeper connection and love.
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